


Templarary Madness

by orphan_account, stormchasersteve



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, Bad Sex, Crack, Deliberate Badfic, F/M, Fereldans love their dogs, Queefing, Silly, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 05:03:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16717056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormchasersteve/pseuds/stormchasersteve
Summary: There was a prompt to this effect: 'After Alistair is left in the fade, he somehow gets to our world.  Preferably the female main should have my name,  plenty of smut.'So I ruined everything.  I am not sorry.





	Templarary Madness

In shock, she stared at the man that had somehow landed square on top of her, heaving under him, trying to get him off of her “Wait, I know you...”

  
Staring at the chubby woman beneath him in somewhat of a daze, “Greetings my lady, my name is Alistair, might I know yours?”

  
Still trying to wriggle free from beneath him, she realises her boobs have popped free, and are now staring him in the face, which had turned crimson at this point. Hurriedly standing, he removed his armour. “Ooof,” she mused.  “No wonder I couldn't get free.”

  
 Attempting to, and after several attempts at pulling her up, he succeeded and they headed inside her house, pinning her on her bed, He reached out and held her breast. For a long moment he just stood, silently, staring at his hand on her breast. Blushing, he finally gave it a little squeeze, and giggled. She could not help the deadpan stare she gave him. “What the hell are you doing?” she asked as he was undressing, when he started to undress her, she batted his hands away at first, after a while relenting, well, he was gorgeous, after all.

  
Pulling her thighs apart, laying down between them, He latched his mouth onto hers, lips parted wide and unmoving, his tongue lolling into her mouth as he grunted while rutting against her...

“If you're going to do that, you'll at least need to use a condom.” she seriously exclaimed.

  
“A what now?” Alistair asked, very confused

  
“This” she showed him after removing one from her bedside table.

  
“My lady, I refuse to allow such witchcraft near my person." Sighing she removed it from the wrapper, and attempted to demonstrate. "Besides, this hat is much too small, my Lady." he whispered, in apparent horror.

  
He settled down between her legs, eager to give her pleasure. He pressed the tip of his tongue against her little bud, and waited. When nothing happened, he wiggled his whole face from side to side. Still desperate to give her joy, he poked a dry finger into her vagina. Wincing in pain, she laughed a little at confusion as to what this man was trying to do. This was taking too long, and was too complicated. He abandoned the effort, heaving himself on top of her and prodding his dick into her hole. He lay all but motionless, wheezing into her ear as his hips twitched back and forth. “You can bring yourself off after”, he said.

  
Spreading her thighs as wide as they could, he slid into her slowly lost in his own world of sensation, he bowed his head, mouthing sloppily against her clavicle as he continued an erratic rhythm of quick, shallow thrusts, grunting with each one as he drooled against her skin. She winced, wondering what the hell was actually happening.

 

"Oh Maker, I can't believe we're -" his eyes overflowed with tears, his nose running with each sob that tore through him, "- we're caboodling!"

  
 Confused, she tried to question him. “Who the fuck is the Maker?”

  
As he pulled out for his next thrust, his cock slipped, and he rammed against her perineum. “Sorry - sorry, maker's breath, let me just - hold on, I can -" "He adjusted his position to try to get some leverage, and his elbow accidentally trapped her hair against the mattress, yanking it harshly, pulling out several hairs at once.

  
Nearly screaming in pain now, she decided to push through, it seemed he was enjoying himself. “Take me doggy-style” she begged, and he stared at her in disgust.

  
“Ewww, why does everyone think Fereldans are dog fuckers, we just really love our dogs,” he whined as he pumped quickly in and out. He pulled out a fraction too far from her entrance, forcing air in as he pushed back in. Her vagina let our a loud undignified wet rasping sound. “Did you just fart on my pickle?” he asked in horror. After several more short, shallow thrusts, he stilled and came inside her. “Oh shit, I hope I didn't give you the blight.”

  
“What the fuck!!!?!?!?” she screeched chasing after him, as he ran away, buck-naked.


End file.
